Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project   Leave a comment

Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project

I wish they had left the identifier “Canadian” off the sign.

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Posted November 20, 2012 by Simple Lady in Uncategorized

North American Viewpoint – Humor   2 comments

North American Humor

North American Humor

Afraid the humor in this is strictly North American..
..anytime we mention pounds its getting rid of unwanted pounds..
..for North Americans getting rid of unwanted pounds takes time, work and good diet.
Here?
Well..not sure they have unwanted pounds over here but be careful mentioning stones to women.

 

Street Sign… ))   1 comment

Going to the vets today I could not help but notice the sign on the street outside…

Suggestive Road Sign

Is this a warning or a directive?

Posted May 24, 2012 by Simple Lady in Humor

Tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

Police week…Police humor   Leave a comment

Police week..

..Police humour..but not.

When I was a teen..

It is about 3 a.m. you’re a passenger in the family car, (relegated to the back seat because mom is driving and grama age 100, is co pilot), heading home from the city, at 40 miles out of the city, you undo and lower the waist band of  your jeans to get comfortable in the back seat and relax (you’re going to sleep), behind you in the station wagon are bags of laundry that were done in the city because the ringer washer at home broke.

Driving down the highway, at 50 miles out of the city, your mother flashes her beams at a car that forgets to dim their brights.

So now you’re awake because apparently the R.C.M.P Cruiser didn’t like that, and they hit their lights and the siren.

Now you’re trying to get your pants back on properly and pull something over your lap as the nice fellow, shines his flashlight in the driver’s window and asks why the lights got flashed.

Your audacious parent informs them they forgot to dim, and when the officer asks what is in the bags, she invites him home to help refold the laundry.

Then he flashes  the light on you and asks what you were doing, just waking up does not explain the beet red face, but I am not saying I was just putting my pants back on.

Of course I got teased for days about that.

~~~~~~

Driving through town,  again you’re the passenger, and you get pulled over for speeding.

This time the R.C.M.P. Officer decides to test the gas, to make sure it isn’t purple.

So you’re  watching as he explains why they are testing for it, cause you always have asked dumb questions.

In the process a wind comes up and, your nice blue velour top gets splashed with gas.

Sighs..no the driver did not get the ticket..but again I got laughed at.

~~~~~~~

Eye witness account…

..having to go with someone to pick up books, she parks the car, puts money in and off we go.

You arrive back and there it is, a nice flapping parking ticket on the windshield.

I have never seen productions like I have the 2 times I was with women who got parking tickets.

The one jumped up and down (literally) yelling and swearing, while tearing  it into little bits, then looked at me with a straight face and said, “Oh dear, maybe we should tape it back together?”

WE?

~or~

The other dragged me through every office she could to dispute the ticket, after harassing this one poor desk officer 3 times, HE tore it up, told her to have a wonderful day.

Don’t know if he felt sorrier for me or me for him.

~

Are YOU one of those people?   Leave a comment

You’re out with a group of people, not dressed fancy but you’re not in jeans and sweats either, you wander over to sit on a bench while all the smokers gather around the nearby ATM to get money out and share the lighter.

You’re the one person NOT smoking.

As you watch people strolling by, YOU are the one strangers walk up to and ask for a smoke?

~or~

You’re walking alone in an isolated tree surrounded area and a fellow walks up to you and starts talking, and talking, and talking and….

….well now here we are.

Seems a nice enough person but..

..ever hear of a nod, smile and good morning…

…then keep on walking????

Oh and the accent, musical as it is, is hard to figure out occasionally but

…lord it’s rude to keep saying “beg pardon?”

You think, well if I start walking, towards home, they will carry on…

..instead they go with..

..well you really don’t want them following you home so..

..now what?

But finally a fellow and his dog appear and ha…you can leave.

~or~

You’re then live in boyfriend borrowed your key to the apartment..

..wake me up when you’re done work and I will let you in.

Night shift is over but they don’t answer the phone.

Ok, I will buzz from the lobby and hope they wake up.

There you stand, waiting, buzzing and feeling idiotic.

Someone enters, nice fellow, you explain the situation and he holds the door for you.

You get into the elevator and…you’re going to the same floor.

On the way up he says…if you were mine you wouldn’t have to work.

~Duh what now?~

You get out and he says, if he doesn’t get up you can come stay in my apartment.

As he stands down the hall watching you.

While you knock on the door and think

PLEASE answer the door, please answer the door, please answer the door.

Finally it opens and…

…you could cheerfully kick your then boyfriend for putting you in that situation.

which he finds completely hilarious when you tell him.

~or~

You have stitches in your foot so your riding in the vehicle with someone,

they get out to pay a bill, parked on a downtown street near a seedy hotel,

it’s in the middle of winter -40C and as they get out the scruffy fellow on the sidewalk is asking if the car is standard or automatic.

The person your with does not notice what they are saying as they slam their door and rush off..

..leaving the car running, their door open and you sitting there

..as the fellow on the sidewalk opens the door and starts to get in you ask them what they think they are doing and they say..

…”They said I could sit here.”

ohh no they didn’t out, out now.

The driver returns and kills themselves laughing because to them you see, it’s funnier than hell.

But now is it any surprise you lock the door when you’re sitting in the car alone?

Are you one of those people who all the odd things happen to?

Police week in the US   Leave a comment

It is a rather sad commentary that anywhere in the world, there has to be a specific week to denote appreciation for people who do jobs that are essential.

Last week was Nurses week, this week the Police get the nod.

Each day these people wake up, get dressed and step out into the world, facing things most of us outside their professions can’t see through their eyes.

So they deal with people at their weakest and worst, and the support they get is enough to make me wonder why they bother.

Don’t get me wrong, I am darn glad they do, where would we all be without them?

I guess that last thought is the one that makes me wonder at people in general.

Imagine what it would be like if, there were no police, military or nurses.

Wild west was far different from current day, because now society has “evolved” to a state where it would be a far different thing to place everyone alive today back in that time period.

Initially amusing, especially as most people would have to wrap their minds around the basics of, where to go to the bathroom (outhouses IF you were lucky) and get the food/water (ha ha carry it in a bucket? omg too funny).

So I say thank you to members of Police forces, that I do not know, not because it is the week for it, but because I happen to think more often than most how lucky we are to have people who choose to fulfill the role..despite the many many negatives involved.

Hand Held Radios – in the office – devils devices   Leave a comment

At first glance they seem to be awesome, if you have to leave your desk, just take it with you.

Never had a job that did not operate 24/7 365..working Christmas was usual and New Years was just strange.

I think the devil invented hand held radios, for a few reasons…
..you can’t go for coffee without taking them with you.
Alright well when your a female wearing a skirt, just where do you put a hand held much less 3?

Ok

You ever notice they echo, and everyone looks at you?
¬so much for timidly sneaking by un noticed on your way for tea¬

You got the radio (s) but you don’t have the computers or the phones, so unless they are experiencing an emergency, your pretty much useless other than to say 10-4, standby (I am on the way back to my desk man gimme a minute).

Okay it sounds uncomfortable but the Pièce de résistance is when you have to go to the ladies room, with 3 radios.

Now I know from experience, having a hand held is an evolutionary step forward from someone screaming down the hall “There’s an emergency hurry up”
to which your mumbles of don’t get your panties in a twist goes thankfully unheard..so in one instance hand helds are beneficial…but overall…when your in an office…they suck.

In the bathroom, someone calls you, and you look at the radio and debate.

The conversation in your head is simple, do I answer it, or do I wait till I am outside the ladies room?

There is no way on gods green earth that they can not tell from the accoustics alone that your in the washroom.

So there you are looking at this sadistic device from hell thinking, why me?
What if something happened?
What if it’s urgent?
Ya ok most people get that tone of voice when calamity strikes but some guys have this calm even tone regardless so…that don’t help much.

But now they called, and you have to answer –
– and its not for anything important or earth shattering

Thankfully

Hand helds…I hate em

However on a positive note, it totally freaks out anyone else in the ladies room to hear a mans voice…lol that was funny.

Devil made me do it.